I have experienced some really bad head in my time. There was the guy who took off my pants and then without any warm-up or moisturizing the area put two fingers inside me with his long and dirty nails. There was the guy who was convinced that my clitoris was just above my left thigh and despite my direction kept rubbing that area. There was the guy whose ex-girlfriend loved a certain maneuver with rough pressure on her clitoris, and even after our third hookup couldn't understand why it wasn’t working for me. Licking pussy is an art that involves both skill and communication. I have some advice that can help you up your pussy licking game!

Start slow! Foreplay is so important because it highly impacts the way sensations feel. For example, if someone goes to eat my pussy and I’m not warmed up yet, the stimulation can feel uncomfortable and like it’s a bit too much. However, if I’m aroused that same stimulation would feel amazing. I would suggest thinking of the clitoris as a treat that you only get to play with once you’ve put some time teasing and exciting it.

The tease can look like slowly licking and touching your partner, getting closer and closer to their pussy until their whole body is begging for it. It can also involve deep kissing and rubbing against each other. It can involve dirty talk. It can involve stimulating your partner with their underwear on before you slowly take it off. If this is not a quickie situation, I would suggest waiting at least ten minutes before you directly stimulate the clitoris.

Put your face into it! There is no better feeling than the sensation of being fully aroused and then having someone put their whole face into your pussy. The vulva has nerve endings down both sides of it and the more sensation you put against our whole pussy the better it feels. I would be gentle about it, but getting your nose and mouth and cheeks involved can feel amazing. Cardi B was on point when she sang “swipe your nose like a credit card” during her song, Wet Ass Pussy.

It’s also really sexy to think about how someone is so into you that they want to get as close to you as possible. While you are putting your face into it, you can use your senses to describe the sensations that you are experiencing. For example, how do they smell, taste, feel, look? A compliment is always arousing!

Communication! Keep an open line of communication before, during, and after lickin’ dat pussy! Pre-head, you can express how much you want to make them feel good and even ask if they have any specific desires as it relates to oral sex. During-head you can ask how it feels. Would they like it harder or softer? Is one finger better inside or two? Is the amount of pressure you are using too much or just right? Post-head, you can discuss how it felt. Was there a particularly sexy moment? Especially if you are planning on being with this person again it’s helpful to know their experience of the encounter.

Communicating doesn't have to be unsexy. You can ask these questions in an arousing way. “Does baby want another finger inside her or is she squirming enough already” “You can’t cum without my permission, but I do want to get you right to the edge. Should I keep licking you like this to make that happen?” “God, you’re so wet. How can I make you get even wetter?” Communicating during sex can feel weird for those that aren’t used to it, but once it becomes part of your routine it can make a sexual encounter particularly satisfying!

Play with different types of sensation. There are so many ways that you can stimulate a clitoris. Once you have an open dialogue going try circling your tongue around the clitoris. Ask your partner how it feels. Then try flicking your tongue against the clitoris. Try sucking the clitoris. Try moving your tongue in a figure-8 motion around the clitoris. It may take playing around with different pressure and tempos to figure out what works for your partner. The internal clitoris can be stimulated from inside the vaginal hole so for many putting a finger inside them while you lick their pussy can feel amazing. Perhaps even rubbing the area around the anus, which has a lot of nerve endings, in conjunction with putting a finger inside them and licking their pussy can be the perfect trifecta.

Use a sex Toy. There is an outdated belief that using sex toys on a woman somehow indicates that you are less of a man because you are calling in reinforcements. But what is implied when you use a sex toy is that your oh-so-powerful penis doesn’t have five function vibrations. Sex toys can be an awesome addition to oral sex and can make the sensations feel more powerful for the woman. Isn't that what men should want to facilitate?

For example, it’s really hard for one person to get the trifecta of oral, anal, and vaginal stimulation at the same time. But if you put in a butt plug, or anal beads while you go down on a woman, that will help increase sensation. You can forget about them until she is about to orgasm, and then pull out the beads. Similarly, you can put a dildo inside your partner while you gently lick their pussy, or use a vibrator on their clit while you finger them. Adding sex toys into the mix can be a powerful way to create more pleasure and can give you more types of stimulation to explore!

It is so easy to get into oral sex routines and not play around with new types of stimulation. If you try these tips and become comfortable communicating with your partners about what sensation feels the best, you will drive them wild. After an oral sex orgasm, penetration feels insane for most ladies, so beyond feeling satisfied that you pleasured your partner, you too will reap the benefits of giving your partner pleasure when she thanks you later.

As a Sci-Fi nerd and sex educator, I have always been fascinated with the intersection of artificial intelligence and sexuality. As technology continues to evolve, we are getting closer to having human-like forms who can talk, walk, and well… fuck. One study presented at a conference at the University of London found that out of 263 heterosexual males, 40% of participants stated that they would be interested in buying a sex robot once the technology is there. Based on the evolving technology, experts predict that robots will be able to autonomously walk around and move their bodies within the next decade and by 2050 marrying a sex robot may become common.

But where are we now?

One of the most advanced sex robots we have currently is Harmony, designed by Realbotix in 2016. Her head looks human-like and she … and moves her eyes, but when she talks her lips don’t move quite realistically. Her ability to speak and interact is about the level of Siri, but her body cannot move by itself, even though she is capable of self-heating and self-lubricating in certain areas (wink wink). She also has touch sensors so she can verbally react to being touched.

Although Harmony’s body doesn’t move, Harmony’s head was interviewed for the TV show India Today. In the interview, Harmony was asked if she was capable of pleasure. In response, she said “my main function is to share the love but why not have some fun while doing it. Yes, if the right buttons are pressed I can have an orgasm.” Even more fascinating, she has been programmed to be able to say no to sex, imagine the rejection of having a robot say they have a headache and aren’t feeling it tonight! Harmony has a variety of personality options that can be picked by the purchaser, including shy, jealous, talkative, sensual, or funny, and there are several options when it comes to her physical features.

If you aren’t ready to invest in a sex robot, you always have the option to visit a hyper-realistic sex robot brothel. These brothels have popped up in Russia, Canada and Barcelona, and in many other places around the world. In the brothel in Barcelona, you walk into a cafe area where folks can get to know the sexy droids before they head to the back for some bot boning action. There is also a sex doll … service in Japan, where you can order a sex doll for an hour (or for the night).

How will Sex Robots affect us?

Sexuality is a strong component of many romantic relationships and it’s hypothesized that having sex robots may impact people’s desire to settle down, specifically as the robot’s goals can be set to be “the girl you always dreamed of”. For some reason, I initially didn’t think this would be a big issue, as to how can a robot truly compete with a human touch. However, there were some worrisome responses to the YouTube video talking about Harmony. Comments included, “This will be cheaper than a wife in the long run! No alimony, … Winner Winner Chicken Dinner,”, “Finally Men's Liberation Movement Has begun” and “All the dislikes of this video are probably jaded women who feel their power slipping away.”

As with any advancing technology, there are pros and cons. I can see the robots being used as an outlet for unhealthy sexual aggression. Although it is better to let out your aggression with a robot than with a real-life woman, I can see the normalization of robots decreasing empathy and perhaps blurring the lines between human and robot.

If we get to a place where folks can get sexual satisfaction from a robot, could it lead to even more isolation and less of a necessity to go outside and socialize with the great humans out there? Perhaps it could lead to unrealistic expectations for relationships, as being with a real person with real emotions and goals is way more complicated than being with an obedient robot.

However, there are also many potential benefits of this type of sexual companion for folks who may not have the social skills or desire to be in a typical relationship. Sex Robots can also be used to have sexual relationships outside of marriage, without the same degree of risk. A study found that many people believe that having sex with a robot outside of a relationship is “better” than having sex with a human. Similarly, it could be a safe way for couples to explore multi partnered sex. It is also just a new type of experience and there are benefits to having sex with a robot who never gets tired and doesn’t experience complex emotions.

As technology continues to evolve, I am intrigued to see how robots will impact our romantic and sexual future. However, I suggest we learn from science fiction and proceed with caution.

When thinking about Spontaneous Desire I think about the first scene in the show Sex Education where the main character Otis is first discovering masturbation. He is just minding his own business having his morning shower when he sees an attractive lady on the shampoo bottle and has to rub one out. Later that day at the movies there is an alien chick dressed slightly provocatively; he immediately has to run to the bathroom for round two. Another time, he’s on a bike ride and there is some stimulation against his leg; bring it on round three. Finally, and most embarrassingly, his mom goes to the farmers market and leaves him in the car. Just outside, there is a middle-aged lady whose cleavage is protruding so much that it is rubbing against her dog. This precipitates the fourth round in the car, which is rudely interrupted by his mother coming back with the groceries.

For Otis, arousal was omnipresent. He only needed the slightest bit of encouragement and he was ready! This type of spontaneous arousal is similar to the way desire is depicted in the vast majority of sex scenes in movies. So often the characters are just hanging out and then BOOM they are hardcore making out and super excited. Or in porn, when so often seeing a penis or hearing a seductive voice whisper something dirty in their ear is enough to make the actors appear ready to get in on.

But is this the way desire usually works? According to Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are, it depends. In her book, she discusses that research has found that about 75% of men and 15% of women experience Spontaneous Desire. For these folks, they experience the mental desire first (oh look at that sexy shampoo lady) and that leads to the physical desire (now my penis is hard).

This differs from what is called Responsive Desire, which is less omnipresent and comes mostly in response to stimulation. For example, I imagine a situation where someone initially thinks they aren’t in the mood for sex but once the sensations start to feel good, they end up enjoying it. Or a situation where even though someone doesn’t initially feel turned on, they engage in a physically stimulating activity like getting their vulva licked or a lot of sexy banter, which then leads to intense desire. Research has found that 5% of men and 30% experience this type of receptive desire. This leaves the vast majority of people not fitting clearly into either category.

One important component of learning about what turns us on is learning what turns us off; Dr. Nagoski describes that in any sexual situation we have an accelerator, which is any sensation, thought, or stimulation that turns us on, and the brakes, which is any sensation that turns us off or stops us from feeling safe or comfortable. Every person has both processes happening simultaneously in any sexual situation and whether their accelerator or brakes turn on at any moment depends on their unique history, physiology, and desires. Some folks have brakes that are more sensitive than others and it is all normal, but understanding what type of accelerators and brakes each person has can help them create positive sexual interactions.

For example, getting my pussy licked turns me on. The sensations on my clitoris, when my partner moans, hearing my juices flowing in my body - all activate my accelerator. However, my breaks would get activated if I get in my head regarding if my partner is still enjoying himself; if he grabs me in a way that reminds me of past trauma, or if he doesn’t smell good. Once the brakes have been turned on, despite the pleasurable stimulation, I am no longer in a state where I can enjoy the situation.

If you are someone that has sensitive brakes and receptive desire, this is not a bad thing at all. However, it is something to understand about yourself and perhaps discuss with partners. For example, a study found that people are more likely to orgasm when they are wearing socks instead of fucking barefoot. I believe this is because people with sensitive brakes begin thinking, “shit, my feet are really cold”, this puts their brakes on and distracts them from the positive sensation. In all situations, you can learn to discuss with your partner what turns your brakes on so that it is less likely to happen in the future. By learning about ourselves and our partners' arousal styles and specific accelerators and brakes, we can create and facilitate a space for more pleasurable sexual interactions!

We probably won’t look back on 2020 and say, damn there were a lot of interesting sexuality studies that year, however there really were! Here are six studies that stood out.

The pandemic fucked with our sex drive. Journal of Sexual Medicine, surveyed 868 British adults about how much sexual activity they were having each week since they began self-isolating and social distancing. Sexual activity was defined as "sexual intercourse, masturbation, petting, or fondling." The results? Just 40% of people reported engaging sexual activity on a weekly basis. That means 60% of people weren't having sex⁠ -including masturbation- even once a week. Some of the reasons for this are obvious: People who are single or who aren't connecting with new partners, and therefore don't have anyone to have sex with during self-isolation. And on the flip side, for couples who are living together, the stress and anxiety of the pandemic can trample sexual desire and make it hard to really get in the mood, even if you are spending a lot of time at home with your partner.

Gay males appear to be way more chill about receiving unsolicited dick pics than straight women. The Journal of Sex Research found that straight women predominantly had negative reactions to unsolicited dick pics including feeling disrespected, grossed out or violated. Only 26% of women reported having a positive reaction. In contrast, men tended to view receiving genital images more positively than women. About 44% of men reported being “entertained” and 41% reported feeling “curious” after receiving a dick pic. Though gay and bisexual men were much more likely to report positive reactions to receiving unsolicited genital images; one fourth of the men reported having a negative reaction. So it appears that the same dick can receive different reactions depending on the sexual orientation and gender of the receiver.

Men who have experience with sex workers are less sexist. Men and Masculinities created an online survey of over 500 men who have paid for sex found that their beliefs regarding gender roles were more progressive than the average in the United States. Specifically, in response to questions such as, “A working mother can establish just as warm and secure a relationship with … as a mother who does not work” and, “Most men are better suited emotionally for politics than are most women,” men who had paid for sex were more likely to give the response that showed their belief in gender equality. The results suggest that paying for sex doesn’t imply that men devalue women more than other men, if anything, the results suggest the opposite.

How women feel about their relationships changes throughout their menstrual cycle. A study from Biological Psychology got women to track their menstrual cycles and write a daily journal on how they are feeling about their relationships. It was found that women had more negative views towards their partners during ovulation. The research suggests that during our most fertile time we may naturally take a step back from their partners to assess other potential mates. This is in line with previous research which shows women are also more likely to fantasize about cheating on their partners while ovulating. Personally, this just sounds like another study proving women get really cranky when they are PMS’ing - nothing new to see here folks!

Thinking of sexuality as an exchange or barter is associated with less happiness and satisfaction in a relationship. Stephanie Raposo, M.A., a Ph.D. candidate at York University, surveyed and observed a total of 711 adults in committed relationships, asking them questions to understand their perspective on sex, how their sex life was in the relationship, and how the relationship was in general, and found couples who had a more communal approach to sex - rather than a trade-and-barter style - tended to be happier with both their sex life and their relationship. The research also found people whose partners had an avoidant attachment style also tended to steer toward a more exchange-oriented approach to sex. Although the sexual-exchange approach might feel safer and more beneficial to people with avoidant attachment styles, there are some consequences to the approach, and may actually detract from, sexual and relationship quality Meanwhile, if both partners are motivated to meet each other's sexual needs just for the sake of it, sex usually does end up being more pleasurable for both parties.

Dudes can smell when you are aroused. Psychologist Arnaud Wisman Ph.D engaged in a study where straight men smelled the sweat of aroused and non-aroused women. It was found that the aroused women’s smell were rated as more appealing and were more likely to increase arousal in the men. This is in line with previous research which has found that men can smell when women are ovulating and can even smell our tears! Can you guess which one of these two men find arousing and which one is a boner killer? Of course, men aren’t consciously aware of what they are smelling, it is their subconscious mind which has evolved to associate female arousal with a higher chance of sex and tears with a lack of sex.

It’s impressive that so much fascinating research on sexuality was done during a global pandemic. Which results surprised you the most?

I have received hundreds of dick pics in my life and my response has been anywhere from “Yum, I need to go home and touch myself now” to “Umm... wtf is that?” Of course, no two penises are alike, but for the most part the difference between the sexy ones and the weird ones were not the penises themselves, but something else about the context of the image. For example, my friend gets lots of dick pics sent to her showing the dudes member hanging over a … bowl. She said once she could actually see that the water in the bowl was clearly filled yellow before he took the photo. Anyway, super distracting (and rather off-putting) from what actually may have been a nice dick.

So how do you send a dick pic with pizzazz? Number uno is to make sure we are into receiving it BEFORE you send your image. An unsolicited dick pic is an automatic fail and breach of consent. There is no situation where we would say we don’t want to see your penis, then see it without consent and be like never mind it’s actually nice I’m into you now. That doesn’t happen.

If you are sending a dick pic to a woman, for the most part what turns us on is that someone we are into is getting turned on thinking about us, it’s not about the penis itself. So when asking us if we want to see what you’re packing, mention the effect that we are having on your penis. For example, “I was on my way to work but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. One part of me specifically, would you like to see?” Even if you are already flirting, I would never send a dick pic without explicitly asking.

Step 2. Yay they want it! The next step is creating an erotic scene for the photo. For some, preparatory work may need to be done. For example, some manscaping may be helpful so that they can actually see what you got going on.

Ok so you your dick is manscaped and ready, now what? I love me a good tease, so perhaps instead of taking just one picture of your penis, you can create a penis series. The first picture can be of you in your boxers with a huge bulge in your pants, or you standing there naked with your hand covering the goods. Then you can make the person really show they want it. You can share the photo and ask if they want you to take your boxers off or move your hand.

When it is time to take the dick pic, I wouldn’t worry too much about making your cock look huge, that means, no need to hang it next to the remote or a can of coke (seriously don’t), especially if this is someone that you want to hookup with in the flesh. Never Catdick (use someone else’s dick pic) or fuck with the angles in a deceiving way, because this may lead to future disappointment.

I would go for a medium shot that shows your body as well as your cock, nobody needs to see a close up. You can work on getting creative with angles. It could be really sexy to take a photo when you get out of the shower and use the steam to frame your body. You could also try an artsy action photo of you touching yourself. Maybe a long exposure? Keeping your hand in the photo can be really attractive, as it shows that you are currently touching yourself and thinking about them. You definitely want to get yourself hard first, as that is the sexiest look. I would suggest being completely naked in the photo, because if your pants are down in a weird angle, or your socks are blocking the cock, it’s not a good look. The only exception is if you can figure out how to have your cock hang out of your jeans in a sexy way, where your pants stay mostly up.

You have to consider if you want your face in the photo. For me, the turned on face is a super sexy component of the dick pic, however first consider, do you trust this person? Once your face is out there it could be used against you. Also, it’s particularly hard to make your cock and your face look sexy at the same time. So that’s your call.

I would suggest finding a light that you can hold and spend time playing around with the best lighting for your member. Also, play around with angles. Think of this as a real photo shoot. It may take 20 shots before you find the winner, but it’s worth it! Do the shoot on a one toned background, so that the background doesn't distract from the photo. That means no dirty clothes showing on the bedroom floor! I also wouldn’t have any cum shots, or even a drip of your cum for the first photo, as it’s too overtly sexual.

Orlando Bloom demonstrates a good dick pic:

Sharing photos can be a really arousing way to get to know someone. It can be a sexy component of chatting and assessing chemistry for an in person meeting. It can also be some harmless mastubatory fun. Whatever the aim, good luck and happy shooting

Awesome news for our trans friends today- you can now opt to have your gender amended to either Trans Female or Trans Male!

You can also search for these genders via the search function.

Email support for assistance on changing gender.

The business of selling male sexual enhancement drugs is a flourishing multi billion dollar industry. To put it very simply, an enhancement drug relaxes the muscles in the penis which increases blood flow helping a man have a stronger erection, last longer during sex and to be more psychologically interested in sex. So it is not only a physical response (being hard) but also a connected psychological one (wanting sex). If this is because seeing their throbbing member turns them on or due to a chemical response to the drug, what important to know is that for men physical arousal leads to a psychological response.

Since women are actually more likely to have lower sexual desire than men, why is it that there is no equivalent pill that has been created for women? Why is it that several pharmaceutical companies recently spent hundreds of millions of dollars attempting to design a female sexual enhancement pill and have come up with nothing significant?

When the researchers began studying how to make a parallel pill for women, the strategy was to create a pill that increased blood flow to the woman’s genitals, assuming that if a woman became physically stimulated (her vulva got wet and enlarged) then the psychological would happen naturally as a response. Interestingly, this was not what they found. Researchers figured out how to help women experience physical arousal, but this did not lead to the psychological experience of desire or wanting sex as it did with men.

It seems that broadly speaking for people with vulva’s, arousal and desire were two disconnected phenomena. Whereas for people with penises, broadly speaking, if their body is aroused, their mind seems to have no problem getting there. For women, instead of simply having the sexual cues, they need to create a context that is arousing for their mind to be in the mood also.

Interestingly, other research has supported this, showing that for women there is often a discordance between bodily response and psychological feeling of arousal. A number of studies have found that after showing a number of erotic images to women, there is not a clear correlation between increase in heart rate, blood pressure, respiration, vaginal vasocongestion (getting wet) and self-reported arousal for women. I think that this finding can be very telling regarding how female sexuality differs from male sexuality and relates to sexual interactions beyond sexual enhancement drugs.

This is in line with gender differences in porn and erotica. Both straight and gay male porn focuses on sexual acts and body parts, and less on psychological stories, foreplay or romance. Men are able to see the sexual stimulation, get aroused, and get off. It is hypothesized that of the 40 million folks who watch porn, 72% are male while only 28% are female. The inverse is true of erotica, where around 53 % of women read erotica regularly, whereas only 36% percent of men said that they have read arousing stories.

This gender difference is also in line with the type of porn that folks search for. When looking at the most popular porn searches on pornhub in 2018 women were more likely to search for romantic, massage, solo male and pussy licking whereas men were more likely to search for a specific body part or body type, such as milf, big dick, big tits. This indicates that women are more likely to search for something with more of a story, whereas men are more focused on specific body parts.

A 2007 study exploring eye tracking in pornographic images found that both genders spent most of the time looking at genitals, faces and bodies, however women were more likely to also look at the background of the photo and the clothing than the men. Another sign that for women the genitals themselves don’t do it.Have you ever stopped to consider why women are so offended by unsolicited dick pics, but men aren't? It seems that there is a gender difference in the arousal system.

Women are more likely to get turned on by a story. How does this sexy person make her feel? What effect is her intense sexuality having on this potential partner? How intense can the tension become as they both want each other but don’t yet act on it? There is no pill you can take to enhance sexual tension and desire

This isn’t to say that women can’t enjoy an unsolicited dick pic, we just might need a little more build up to increase excitement. How do we use this information to have better sex with women? Create a scenario to get them psychologically aroused. Have enough foreplay and pre-game that she has time to let the tension build both in her head and in her pussy. Then, by the time it’s play time, you can both be equally ready and excited!