Ever had a lover that just drove you crazy. The way they walked talked smelled tasted or moved in bed yet they were poison and you knew it. I have had such a love/lover. Toxic, sexy, distant, yet knew mew me better than I knew myself and was always there smiling when I would have a sudden Enlightenment about myself with a sly smile and a "you finally figured it out" comment. We had an open relationship and although not interested in anyone else alone I did enjoy sharing intimate times with her that included others. My god she was so into anything I nicknamed her "ornstar"and she lived up to the name in classic fashion. Drugs sex and Marylin Manson, we fucked on the road in my big rig, and whenever I could stop by late night for a few hrs passing through. We even took our act on the road fucking friends out of town to there utter amazement. Never a jealous thought crossed my mind although I loved her dearly and I was sure that she was my sexual mate as well as best friend deception and corruption showed its ugly face in the form of addiction. As hard as it was last April I gave my love away to her beloved heroin.

two weeks ago I messaged her and told her that although I had tried I had not been able to get her off my mind and she concurred. We got together at some expense to me and it was not the night Or following day I had envisioned. Instead of enjoying each others company I was left catering to a sick and very needy junkie who did not remind me at all of the woman I loved. To say the experience was a disappointment is being very giving.

My heart broken, my eyes open and my longing for a lover like no other even greater I am happy to have had the opportunity to do a u turn and hit the bump again I now know that the first bump is always the best probably because of the surprize factor. I will probably do a u turn again with some other life event with the same disappointing results as of late but hey, SOME OF US JUST LEARN AT A DIFFERENT PACE and as long as we learn live and love as we go then we still win the prize in the end, peace of mind and a clear conscience. PEACE!!!

'h