Why is a mini skirt like a fence? They both protect the property but don't spoil the view!

She was beautiful, elegant, graceful

She held herself with dignity and poise

Yet was unaware of her own attraction

At school, boys of her age, for want of her

Cried themselves to sleep, she was unaware

She turned heads and yet did not notice

This was not arrogance or even aloofness

She did not see herself as others did

It had always been so, Her innocence

Not that she did not date boys or even men

She was neither virginal nor chaste

She was chased and pursued but not caught

Her heart when given went to the one man

Who saw beneath as only a soul mate can

Wow as you passed slowly by

You really caught my eye

With your figure so top class

Can I grope and squeeze your arse?

You have a very ample chest

Can I fumble inside your vest?

Are you moist beneath the waist? By

Will you let me have a taste?

Oh your hips gyrate and trade

Let me split your whiskers please

Let me leave you in a state of bliss

If not I will gladly settle for a kiss

Many, many years ago

when I was twenty-three,

I got married to a widow

who was as pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter

who had hair of red.

My father fell in love with her,

and soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law

and change my very life.

My daughter was my mother,

for she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,

although it brought me joy,

I soon became the father

of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became

a brother-in-law to dad.

And so became by uncle,

though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,

then that also made him brother

To the widow's grown up daughter who,

of course, was my step-mother

Father's wife then had a son,

who kept them on the run.

And he became my grandson,

for he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother

and it makes me blue,

Because, although she is my wife,

she's my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother,

then I am her … every time I think of it,

it simply drives me wild.

For now I have become

the strangest case you ever saw,

As the husband of my grandmother,

I am my own grandpa!

Twas the night before doom's day

and all through the house everyone

felt shitty, even the mouse.

Mom at the whorehouse and

Dad smoking grass, and I just

settled down for a nice piece of ass.

When out on the lawn I heard

such a clatter, I sprang from my piece

to see what was the matter.

Then out on the lawn I saw a

big dick, I knew in a moment

it must be St. Prick.

He came down from the chimney like

a bat out of hell, I knew in a

moment the fucker had fell.

He filled all the stockings with

pretzels and beer, and a big rubber

dick for my brother the queer.

He rose up the chimney with a

thunderous fart, the son of a bitch

blew the chimney apart.

He swore and he cursed as he rode

out of sight, … on you all and

have one hell of a night!!!"

Happy Christmas and have a merry New Year.