What is BDSM?

BDSM, which stands for Bondage, Domination/Submission, Sadism, and Masochism, is a broad-reaching category of bedroom play that can range from the mild to wild, all depending on what each couple finds a sexy, hot turn-on.

People who regularly practice BDSM in any form (or many forms!) are known as “lifestylers”, especially when they heavily interact and socialize with other BDSM lovers, often forming a community of like-minded individuals who discuss kinky play and sometimes get down with other partners or couples.

The BDSM label can apply to many types of sexual play that fall outside of the vanilla genre. Vanilla generally refers to sexual intercourse in the most simplistic manner — sans even the most beginners’ sort of kink toys, like furry handcuffs or a silky blindfold. Yes, this means that if you’ve ever blindfolded your partner with a soft tie or used your lacy panties to bind their hands above their head, you’ve engaged in a light version of BDSM.

When it comes to having sex, it should be a two-way street. What I mean by this is, unless you're in a sub/dom sexual relationship where it's been decided that one goes without pleasure while the other reaps all the goodies, sex should be pleasurable for both people. Even if an orgasm isn't achieved, as sometimes is the case, it doesn't mean that sex can't be pleasurable and extremely satisfying. I mean, that is the point after all, isn't it?

“Sex can be the perfect conduit to build intimacy between a couple because it addresses both the emotional and physical aspects of intimacy," Dr. Kat Van Kirk, relationship and sex expert, tells Bustle. "Skin-to-skin contact allows for the release of the 'bonding' hormone oxytocin and helps you build trust — an important component of intimacy. Emotionally, sex can help you learn to open up and become vulnerable with your partner by being willing to try new things and discuss sensitive topics related to your sexuality."

Happy and healthy sex lives should always involve exploration and trying new things. Even if you're not ready to just way out of your comfort zone, a great place to start is with experimenting with new sex positions — especially ones that maximize pleasure for both you and your partner. Here are nine sex positions guaranteed to satisfy you both.

• Doggy style

  -cow girl

  -Doggy style with a vibrator

• 69

  -Reverse cow girl

  -X marks the spot

• sideways straddle

• Sofa Brace

  -Modified doggy