bigoldbear's Blog

For a lot of Dominants, they are not looking for ‘the perfect submissive’. They aren’t looking for someone to obey every sexual whim and then be put in a closet somewhere between uses. What does the submissive bring to the relationship?

“Oh, well, i’m good at obeying…”

Anything else? Do you have creative skills? Can you cook? Do you have a hobby? Friends? What kind of music do you like? Do you play RPGs or video games? If so, what kind?

“uh… well… i can serve you…”

Ok, fine, you want to go there? How would you serve me?

“i can do sex and stuff, and i’ll always obey you-”

Yeah, we covered that. What do you have experience with? What are your likes and dislikes? What are your limits? What will you not do?

“i’ll do anything you tell me to do…”

So you’re a Stephenie Meyer character. Utterly boring, one-dimensional, pointless, and not worth the time. You aren’t a submissive, you’re acting out the Def Comedy Jam platonic ideal of a submissive. Go do some actual research into what D/s actually is, and then message again when you have real answers.

And maybe i’m being a little harsh, i’m sure there are some Dom/mes out there looking for subs like this. But for a lot of us, D/s is a ‘relationship’. They are looking for a partner, not a cardboard cutout. So when you get asked questions like this, it’s to determine compatibility. And if you can’t answer them, then you aren’t compatible.

i and my Master are more than just our D/s relationship. i paint miniatures, i write, i run this blog, i play video games, tabletop games, pen-and-paper RPGs, i cook, and i read a fair amount of fanfic. i can also swear in four languages. Master plays video games, likes Warhammer… you get the point. We are more than Dom and sub, Master and pet, we are people.

Be a person.