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Information on having an Orgasm

Having an orgasm is a skill not unlike riding a bike. The difference is someone usually teaches you how to ride a bike. It sometimes takes lots of practice and patience with your body to achieve the notorious orgasm. However, there is a small percentage of women who may not ever be able to achieve an orgasm due to medical reasons. Here is what we recommend every woman try!

The first thing that we recommend is to explore your genitals. Choose a time when you are relaxed, put on some music and turn off the phone. If you have a favorite movie or romance novel that you think would help put you in a sexy mood, add that too. Next get a nice water-based lubricant (like Sweet Seduction or Just Like Me) and sit in front of a big mirror. Take some time to fully explore everything. If you have never taken a good look at your genitals, you may benefit from reading, Tickle Your Fancy, which has a nice picture identifying all of the different parts of the female anatomy. As you explore, pay attention to which parts feel the most sensitive. Most women achieve orgasm by stimulating the clitoris (on the outside) rather than stimulating inside the vagina.

While you are exploring, I recommend applying a pea sized amount of a heightener to your clitoris. The addition of a heightener will give you a tingly feeling, draw blood to the area and enhance your sexual response. You do not have to use a vibrator, but we find it helps as you learn how your body likes to be touched in order to reach orgasm. A great suggestion is the 7th Heaven bullet or Home Alone. They are small, hand-held vibrating toys that provide a higher level of stimulation. Think of the bullet as training wheels. You will not always want or need to use it, but right now, it will help guide you. Orgasms are intense, sometimes overwhelming feelings. You may feel like you are losing control and that is normal. Play with the bullet, move it around to all of the sensitive spots that you found earlier. When it feels good, hold it there.

As you get more aroused and closer to orgasm, you will feel your breathing increase and you heart beat faster. As you experience increasing feelings in your genitals, make sure to relax your mind and body and let yourself go. Don’t think of this as a science experiment so that you psyche yourself out as you get close. Think sexy thoughts. Think about your favorite sexy scene in a movie or passage in a sexy novel. It may take a couple of tries as you get used to this new experience, but it is possible.

So what is an orgasm? During arousal, blood flows to the vagina and often to your chest and lips. The vagina also typically becomes more lubricated, or wet, and can vary from one woman to the next. Women may also get more or less wet during different situations, for example - oral sex, masturbation or intercourse, different partners or different times of the month. It's this lubrication that helps make intercourse easier and not painful. The inner two-thirds of the vagina actually expand to accommodate a penis or other object, like a vibrator or fingers. Women breathe faster, our heart rate increases and the inner lips of the vagina also get filled with blood and often get larger, and deeper in color. The clitoris often increases in size just a bit, but then retracts under the clitoral hood just before and during orgasm.

Now if orgasm occurs, the sexual arousal greatly increases for most women. There are often rhythmic contractions of the vagina, the uterus and also the pelvic muscles; there is also often some vaginal lubrication that comes out all at once. Some women feel sore in their lower abdomen after orgasm. Following orgasm, sexual arousal usually goes back down, as do other physical changes - e.g. breathing returns to normal, heart rate slows down, labia return to normal size, etc - though many women can have orgasms soon after (unlike most men).

So for most women, orgasm is a specific event and it is very noticeable. That would be the difference between an actual orgasm and sexual arousal. Orgasm is an event usually lasting a matter of seconds, and sexual arousal is a continuous process that could last minutes or hours. Women can get very sexually aroused and lubricated without actually experiencing an orgasm.

If you feel as if these methods just aren't enough for you, it might be wise to seek counseling. Visit www.aasect.org to find a counselor, sex … or educator in your area.