dillanzo's Blog

So I just got out of a relationship with a girl who had come back for the second time. Now I feel like we are done for good; I feel so ambivalent about it and it's got me all torn up inside, I feel this hole there now. There's a constant pain and tension in my chest. It's been like this for a little over two weeks. I need to bounce back and get back on my feet with some good sex. I'm not sure about relationships now, but I still need some good sex and company with no strings attached. The best of both worlds, you get to protect your heart while still having good sex. I'm also trying to start reading and meditating more and working out more and meeting more people. I need to stop isolating myself and get out there and live in the world. Life is about growing. Meaningful relationships really help you grow as a person, they offer a multitude of unique experiences that you can share together. Shared bliss and communion with others, love and respect, honor and dignity, being real and true, that's what life is about. We all have needs and are not perfect and we should not be judged for that because it is real and cannot be ignored, it must be accepted so that we may get past it and continue to move forward in a positive direction of growth in our lives. We are a gift that needs to be constantly unraveled. The deeper we go inside, the more we do outside, the more we grow the more we get out of life. The more we try the higher the quality of life we enjoy; you get out what you put in. Granted, circumstances make for a very uneven playing field for everyone, but those uneven circumstances offer much in the way of growth if they could only be overcome. They make you who you choose to be, by presenting you with options, you must adapct and react to life if you are to be at your best; if you give up and let it overtake you then you fall to misery and it is by your own choice; it can be the hardest thing in the world, but the right choice is still the right choice. The only way to deal with a problem in life is to go through it head on, there is no way around it, that is an illusion to think so, it's delusional, but it keeps you feeling some form of safe, which is so desperately needed. But, if one could only realize that they would feel so much safer if they only got up and took their problems head on and dealt with them, chose to fight, then they would be so much happier. We are all people just the same as anyone else and we all feel life and it's constant struggles and ups and downs; we are tethered together as one by the experience of life, we feel apart, but we are together if we can just realize it. We all deserve eachothers respect, sympathy, and unconditional, unwavering love for one another. We must each lend a helping hand to one another, to pick the other up, to lend them a hand, a shoulder to lean on or cry on, we must not judge or critize out of spite and vanity, we must look past that side of us to our better half, we must choose to walk in the light and to stray away from the darkness within, yet we must accept the darkness within and love it as well, but we must not act on the impulses it sends to us. Let us be free and not deny our own needs, but let us try to grow and be the very best that we can be, in unity and harmony, let us be happy and free.